“Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out”
Yesterday I dissected the three main reasons why people lost money in Groupon ($GRPN) here on the site. I do this because I think it is more helpful to investors than 99% of the “content” being published and because in the writing, I am able to clarify my own thoughts and discover what it is that I actually believe right alongside the reader.
I got a bit of criticism for coming off as a bit of a Monday morning quarterback re: GRPN so I thought I’d dust off this lost classic from last October, published on the eve of Groupon’s IPO. Yes, I have begun pompously referring to my own posts as “lost classics,” what do you want from me? – JB
***
Groupoem (or an IPO for the ages)
Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out
It’s hitting this week if the stars align right
But only the foolish would look for a bite
For Groupon is now past the peak of its glory
Its promising start a well-known story
Of youthful intensity, vision and zeal
Of crafting the perfect consumer-led deal
City by city, Groupon grew like a weed
Positioned as marketing for the small biz in need
Coupons for shoes and coupons for socks
Offers for Lasik and half-off on Crocs
Then Google came calling, six bil on the table
But Groupon bought into their very own fable
The emails would issue from CEO Mason
“Hang on tight,” Andrew said, “our competitors are chasin'”
So onward and upward the company went
Taking in money that it promptly spent
The trick was to pay merchants sixty days late
Which gave Groupon money and time to inflate
The accountants concluded the scheme was impaired
Sure they were grumpy – but they also were scared
“A ponzi,” they called it, “it can’t be sustained!”
“If they run out of room to expand they’ll be drained!”
And one other headwind we also should mention
The social offers crown is still in contention
Both Amazon and Google desire to play
Good luck keeping those two rottweilers at bay
The first IPO filing was put back on the shelf
A value of thirty billion soon became twelve
And as Groupon embarked on its period of quiet
A leaked memo from Mason created a riot
The regulators didn’t find any of this funny
The rules get much stricter when you’re trying to raise money
Poor Andrew was learning a lesson for sure
Being boyish and charming wouldn’t help him no more
So with shady accounting and rivals galore
Groupon now brings its stock to the floor
Sixteen to eighteen per share is the word
With a float so constrained it’s completely absurd
Less than five percent of Groupon shares will go pub
An insulting debut, why that’s barely a stub!
They’ll create quite a show with this scarcity bait
The intentions are clear, to manipulate
By producing a noteworthy opening pop
The underwriters get to market their shop
So Facebook and others will watch and learn
Which bankers to hire when it’s finally their turn
In the meantime the VCs in Groupon are thrilled
Their exit is coming, the champagne is chilled
A too-close encounter with death is postponed
While retail investors line up to get boned
The next Demand Media or LinkedIn perhaps
And look how it fell right into their laps!
They’ll buy that first day as up-stocks attract cash
While the insiders prepare to make their last dash
Mason will get his chance to be boss
At a big public company, come profit or loss
And all will be well on The Street named Wall
As the bankers await Mr. Zuckerberg’s call
– Downtown Josh Brown, October 30th 2011
Read Also:
The Netflix and the Blockbuster by Lewis Carroll (TRB)
خرید طلا
Hiya! Fast query that is totally off topic. Do you know how to make your website cellular welcoming? My site seems to be bizarre when viewing from my apple apple iphone. I’m striving to discover a topic or plugin that might be ready to proper this conc…
سیستم حفاظتی
Appreciating the time and effort you set into your weblog and comprehensive info you offer. It is wonderful to occur throughout a site each once in a although that is not the exact same unwanted rehashed details. Fantastic go through! I have saved your…
خرید دوربین مدار بسته
Hi would you thoughts stating which blog platform you’re functioning with? I’m organizing to begin my personal blog soon but I’m possessing a hard time determining among BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is simply because yo…
love tips
[…]Sites of interest we’ve a link to[…]
خرید طلا
We absolutely adore your website and uncover almost all of your post’s to be what exactly I’m seeking for. Does one particular offer you visitor writers to write content material for you? I wouldn’t thoughts creating a submit or elaborating on a great…
vpn ایفون
Howdy there! Do you know if they make any plugins to support with Search engine marketing? I’m making an attempt to get my weblog to rank for some focused key phrases but I’m not seeing extremely good gains. If you know of any you should share. Several…
Samsung wholesale
[…]one of our guests a short while ago proposed the following website[…]
خرید دوربین مدار بسته
Howdy there! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Look for Motor Optimization? I’m striving to get my site to rank for some focused keywords and phrases but I’m not viewing quite good benefits. If you know of any make sure you share. App…
home based jobs without investment daily payment
[…]one of our visitors just lately encouraged the following website[…]
vpn ایفون
I’m genuinely experiencing the style and format of your weblog. It’s a quite simple on the eyes which can make it much more nice for me to occur listed here and pay a visit to much more frequently. Did you hire out a developer to produce your theme? Ex…
جوملا
Hello would you thoughts permitting me know which webhost you are using? I have loaded your site in three entirely various browsers and I need to say this site masses a whole lot a lot quicker then most. Can you advise a very good hosting service provi…
overseas work and travel
[…]please visit the internet sites we stick to, such as this 1, as it represents our picks from the web[…]
vpn ایفون
Verify underneath, are some fully unrelated world wide web-internet sites to ours, nevertheless, they are most dependable resources that we use.
nipple tassels
[…]very few internet sites that transpire to become detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly nicely really worth checking out[…]
خرید دوربین مدار بسته
Appreciating the time and work you place into your blog and in depth data you offer. It’s great to occur across a blog every single once in a although that isn’t the same unwelcome rehashed data. Wonderful study! I’ve saved your website and I’m introdu…