This has FARCE written all over it…
From the New York Times:
A Somali teenager has arrived to face what are believed to be the first piracy charges in the United States in more than a century…Abduhl Wali-i-Musi, the sole surviving Somali pirate from the hostage-taking of an American ship captain, was handcuffed with a chain wrapped around his waist and about a dozen federal agents surrounded him.
We’re going to try a 16 year old in one of the highest courts in the land who most likely can’t read, write or figure out where in the world he is with a map. This is like holding a trial for a shark that attacks a surfer, or handing down a grand jury indictment for a dog that bites a mailman. I’m not saying leave the kid unpunished, but come on!
Fortunately, I was able to get a copy of the Somali Pirate’s itinerary for the rest of his New York City visit. Here’s a quick look at how he will spend his allotted time here in the Big Apple:
10 am: Show-trial for piracy charge.
2 pm: Post-appearance huddle with defense attorney Captain Jack Sparrow Esq.
4 pm: Tour of the USS Intrepid (must fight urge to take ship)
6 pm: Dinner at TBD location (Black Pearl on 26th Street now closed)
9 am: Breakfast at Balthazar (little known fact, pirates loooove brioche french toast)
11 am: South Street Seaport (must fight urge to take hostages at Sunglass Hut)
2 pm: Jersey Boys matinee at the August Wilson Theater!
6 pm: Post-show dinner in the district at Carmine’s, if plastic silverware only request can be accommodated.
10 am: Sleeping in, breakfast in bed at the W Hotel Union Square.
11 am: Express checkout, Uncle Sam picks up the tab…”Abduhl, you ordered Sorority Sweeties 3 eleven times?”
1 pm: Lunch at the Central Park Boathouse, “They want $28 for the grilled yellowfin tuna? That’s highway robbery!” (Boats everywhere, still fighting the urge to commandeer something…)
4 pm: JFK International Departures Terminal, awaiting flight home courtesy Obama administration’s intervention. Promised never to participate in piracy again. Still holding found $20 bill in pocket, upon arrival, will be wealthiest citizen in entire country of Somalia. “I Love New York.”
Full Story: Somali Pirate Arrives in New York City (NYT)
Read Also: The Truth About the Somali Pirates