The Somali Pirate Takes Manhattan!

Photo from AP

This has FARCE written all over it…

From the New York Times:
A Somali teenager has arrived to face what are believed to be the first piracy charges in the United States in more than a century…Abduhl Wali-i-Musi, the sole surviving Somali pirate from the hostage-taking of an American ship captain, was handcuffed with a chain wrapped around his waist and about a dozen federal agents surrounded him.

We’re going to try a 16 year old in one of the highest courts in the land who most likely can’t read, write or figure out where in the world he is with a map.  This is like holding a trial for a shark that attacks a surfer, or handing down a grand jury indictment for a dog that bites a mailman.  I’m not saying leave the kid unpunished, but come on!

Fortunately, I was able to get a copy of the Somali Pirate’s itinerary for the rest of his New York City visit.  Here’s a quick look at how he will spend his allotted time here in the Big Apple:

Day 1

10 am: Show-trial for piracy charge.

2 pm:  Post-appearance huddle with defense attorney Captain Jack Sparrow Esq.

4 pm:  Tour of the USS Intrepid (must fight urge to take ship)

6 pm:  Dinner at TBD location (Black Pearl on 26th Street now closed)

Day 2

9 am:  Breakfast at Balthazar (little known fact, pirates loooove brioche french toast)

11 am: South Street Seaport (must fight urge to take hostages at Sunglass Hut)

2 pm:  Jersey Boys matinee at the August Wilson Theater!

6 pm:  Post-show dinner in the district at Carmine’s, if plastic silverware only request can be accommodated.

Day 3

10 am:  Sleeping in, breakfast in bed at the W Hotel Union Square.

11 am:  Express checkout, Uncle Sam picks up the tab…”Abduhl, you ordered Sorority Sweeties 3 eleven times?”

1 pm:   Lunch at the Central Park Boathouse, “They want $28 for the grilled yellowfin tuna?  That’s highway robbery!”  (Boats everywhere, still fighting the urge to commandeer something…)

4 pm:  JFK International Departures Terminal, awaiting flight home courtesy Obama administration’s intervention.  Promised never to participate in piracy again.  Still holding found $20 bill in pocket, upon arrival, will be wealthiest citizen in entire country of Somalia.  “I Love New York.”

Full Story: Somali Pirate Arrives in New York City (NYT)

Read Also: The Truth About the Somali Pirates