That’s just how I’m living now

Sometimes, on my birthday, I’ll write some really introspective post – it’s not a premeditated thing, it’s just how I’m feeling in that moment, on that particular day.

I thought about whether or not I wanted to say anything heavy or profound this year and I realized that it just isn’t there. I turn 42 today and I don’t feel any sort of way about it. That’s just how I’m living these days. I don’t introspect (is that a verb?). Too busy.

My dad tells me to smell the roses every once in awhile. Too busy. Will do that someday, just not these days. That’s just how I’m living now.

My mom tells me I never see her. It’s not intentional. If I’m not working, I’m driving my daughter to something or picking up my son from something or reading or taking calls or traveling to speak at a Hilton somewhere. That’s just what’s going on.

Months go by without my even realizing that huge chunks of the year have already broken off and drifted out into space. We’re fifteen percent done with 2019 and it was New Years Eve like last week. Too busy to notice or to have any sort of remark about it. That’s just how I’m living.

I think these are the years where everything is happening all at once, and they’re the years that I’ll look back on and say were the absolute best time of my life. Too bad I’m too busy to really appreciate it during. Appreciation can’t get a word in edgewise these days. It can’t secure a slot on the calendar. Don’t get me wrong, I’m having fun (mostly).

The kids are now full-fledged human beings. They have their own lives. They make their own friends. They have their own opinions. They’ve been exploring their own free will. This is dangerous! And exciting! Watching them become people is terrifying / exhilarating. I don’t miss much, I’m fighting for this work-life balance thing just like you are. I win some battles and lose some, the war has no resolution, it’s ongoing. My wife doesn’t miss any of the day to day, she gets all the good and the bad while I only have to come home to hear about the highlights and lowlights. Her version is the pure, uncut. My system probably couldn’t handle it in its most concentrated form.

The firm is blowing up. We’re hiring talented people all over the country and soon we’ll be over a billion dollars. My employees are becoming equity owners. It won’t be long before we’re one of the most successful RIAs in America, and we did it all ourselves, organically. No outside capital, no outside owners telling us what’s best for them, nothing interfering with our mission to improve our clients’ lives and build an amazing firm to work at. I think I’ll look back on these years and marvel at all we’ve accomplished. Day to day, it’s easy to lose sight of all the progress, so we fixate on milestones rather than every moment that led up to the milestones. That’s just how I’m living.

I’m not very nostalgic this year either. I’m excited about what’s going on today. I’m still with it. I’m not washed yet. Still know all the new rappers. Even the soundcloud rappers. Even the trap music rappers. Lots of Lils and Youngs and even Yungs but I can keep ’em all straight in my head still. I’m a yung forty two. I know lots of old thirty twos. I’m not going out like that.

Everything in this moment now feels full speed ahead. I don’t reflect on much. There will be a time for that. A time for taking stock of all that’s happened and all that remained undone. I don’t know when that will be, but I know it’s not today.

Today is about moving forward.

I wrote this in a blur. I’ll be working on twenty different things today, trying to be good (enough) at all of them. It’s hard but don’t feel bad for me, I put myself in this position.

That’s just how I’m living now.