“Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out”
Yesterday I dissected the three main reasons why people lost money in Groupon ($GRPN) here on the site. I do this because I think it is more helpful to investors than 99% of the “content” being published and because in the writing, I am able to clarify my own thoughts and discover what it is that I actually believe right alongside the reader.
I got a bit of criticism for coming off as a bit of a Monday morning quarterback re: GRPN so I thought I’d dust off this lost classic from last October, published on the eve of Groupon’s IPO. Yes, I have begun pompously referring to my own posts as “lost classics,” what do you want from me? – JB
***
Groupoem (or an IPO for the ages)
Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out
It’s hitting this week if the stars align right
But only the foolish would look for a bite
For Groupon is now past the peak of its glory
Its promising start a well-known story
Of youthful intensity, vision and zeal
Of crafting the perfect consumer-led deal
City by city, Groupon grew like a weed
Positioned as marketing for the small biz in need
Coupons for shoes and coupons for socks
Offers for Lasik and half-off on Crocs
Then Google came calling, six bil on the table
But Groupon bought into their very own fable
The emails would issue from CEO Mason
“Hang on tight,” Andrew said, “our competitors are chasin'”
So onward and upward the company went
Taking in money that it promptly spent
The trick was to pay merchants sixty days late
Which gave Groupon money and time to inflate
The accountants concluded the scheme was impaired
Sure they were grumpy – but they also were scared
“A ponzi,” they called it, “it can’t be sustained!”
“If they run out of room to expand they’ll be drained!”
And one other headwind we also should mention
The social offers crown is still in contention
Both Amazon and Google desire to play
Good luck keeping those two rottweilers at bay
The first IPO filing was put back on the shelf
A value of thirty billion soon became twelve
And as Groupon embarked on its period of quiet
A leaked memo from Mason created a riot
The regulators didn’t find any of this funny
The rules get much stricter when you’re trying to raise money
Poor Andrew was learning a lesson for sure
Being boyish and charming wouldn’t help him no more
So with shady accounting and rivals galore
Groupon now brings its stock to the floor
Sixteen to eighteen per share is the word
With a float so constrained it’s completely absurd
Less than five percent of Groupon shares will go pub
An insulting debut, why that’s barely a stub!
They’ll create quite a show with this scarcity bait
The intentions are clear, to manipulate
By producing a noteworthy opening pop
The underwriters get to market their shop
So Facebook and others will watch and learn
Which bankers to hire when it’s finally their turn
In the meantime the VCs in Groupon are thrilled
Their exit is coming, the champagne is chilled
A too-close encounter with death is postponed
While retail investors line up to get boned
The next Demand Media or LinkedIn perhaps
And look how it fell right into their laps!
They’ll buy that first day as up-stocks attract cash
While the insiders prepare to make their last dash
Mason will get his chance to be boss
At a big public company, come profit or loss
And all will be well on The Street named Wall
As the bankers await Mr. Zuckerberg’s call
– Downtown Josh Brown, October 30th 2011
Read Also:
The Netflix and the Blockbuster by Lewis Carroll (TRB)
silicone finger vibrator
[…]we like to honor numerous other world-wide-web internet sites around the internet, even though they arent linked to us, by linking to them. Under are some webpages really worth checking out[…]
vacuum pump
[…]check below, are some completely unrelated internet websites to ours, on the other hand, they are most trustworthy sources that we use[…]
Buy Vigra
[…]the time to read or check out the subject material or web pages we have linked to below the[…]
para o bebe
[…]very few web-sites that occur to become comprehensive below, from our point of view are undoubtedly effectively really worth checking out[…]
butt plug
[…]we came across a cool site which you may possibly get pleasure from. Take a search in the event you want[…]
cheap web hosting
[…]Every once inside a though we opt for blogs that we study. Listed beneath would be the most current internet sites that we pick […]
try on lingerie
[…]although web sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we really feel they are truly worth a go by, so have a look[…]
p spot stimulation
[…]we came across a cool site that you may delight in. Take a search in the event you want[…]
anal sex toy
[…]just beneath, are several absolutely not connected internet sites to ours, on the other hand, they may be certainly worth going over[…]
کفسابی
I was curious if you ever considered of shifting the format of your site? Its quite properly created I really like what youve got to say. But maybe you could a small a lot more in the way of articles so individuals could connect with it greater. Youve…
dildos strap on
[…]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]
suction cup dong
[…]below you will locate the link to some web sites that we feel you should visit[…]
MSP AIRPORT CAR SERVICE
[…]one of our guests not long ago recommended the following website[…]
realistic vibrator
[…]The information talked about in the write-up are a number of the best obtainable […]
Cosmopolitan featured vibrator
[…]below you will locate the link to some sites that we believe you’ll want to visit[…]