Here we are again, sweating through the dog days of another brutal summer on the molten blacktop streets of NYC. And as usual, not all of this city’s male inhabitants are playing the game correctly. Hence, the Public Service Announcement I find myself compelled to deliver below:
Attention, Men of New York:
Starting today and for every day after this one unto the Rapture, there will be no more open-toed shoes in Manhattan unless you’re on your very own balcony or a roofdeck somewhere, far from my gaze.
I’m all for a pair of flip flops at the beach or on vacay.
But sandals on the subway? You f***ing serious? Mandals? Gross!
Watching your toes slime their way through the Times Square subway station and its two inches-high layer of gelatinous grime is without question the lowlight of my day. Anyone doing that doesn’t deserve to even have a pair of feet, they should be confiscated and replaced with canvas sacks of sand for you to walk on.
And dude, if you’re not taking care of your toes, feel free not to advertise it with flip flops.
Let me tell you something, Cabron: The first things women notice when they look at a man are his hands and feet. They can’t help it and don’t even realize that they do it, this is basic biology operating at the subconscious level, a survival thing. Back before we were consumers and restaurant patrons and sex addicts and chiropractors, we were animals. Beavers and boars. And the female beavers and boars needed to see strong, capable hands and feet prior to mating and having their babies with a male. “Yes, fine, he’s a Presbyterian and my mother likes him – but can he build a damn? Can he wrestle an intruding platypus to the ground if our nest is threatened?”
And to this day, women will notice your feet and hands before anything else, even if it doesn’t register with them. Why do you think we have to wear wedding bands around our fingers as opposed to a necklace or bracelet? It’s a territorial thing, fellas, women instinctively know where other women are going to look. By not taking care of your hands and feet (with clean, short nails), you are de facto removing yourself from the possibility of any kind of female interest, so put your hairy toes away – especially if I have to share a lunch counter with you, dirtbag.
And just one more thing – I don’t care what GQ is telling us this month, under NO circumstances are you to start dressing up like Indiana Jones.
Oh, and last thing, I promise – Madras pants or seersucker ANYTHING are both punishable by death, effective immediately. Got that, Gatsby?
Okay, PSA over, let’s all go back to business in appropriate footwear.
games for pc download
[…]one of our visitors a short while ago proposed the following website[…]
خرید دوربین لامپی
Does your internet site have a get in touch with page? I’m possessing a difficult time locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an e-mail. I’ve obtained some innovative suggestions for your website you might be fascinated in listening to. Both way, great…
pc app free download
[…]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine some unrelated data, nonetheless actually worth taking a appear, whoa did one particular discover about Mid East has got far more problerms too […]
free download for windows 10
[…]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a few unrelated data, nonetheless genuinely worth taking a search, whoa did 1 master about Mid East has got additional problerms also […]
Pinganillo para examenes
[…]we came across a cool website which you may well love. Take a look in the event you want[…]
free download for windows 8
[…]that is the finish of this report. Right here you will obtain some web sites that we consider you will enjoy, just click the hyperlinks over[…]
hip-hop hats
[…]Every once inside a even though we select blogs that we read. Listed beneath would be the most up-to-date web-sites that we pick […]
buy rabbit vibrator
[…]Here are a number of the sites we advise for our visitors[…]
pure enrichment peak wand massager reviews
[…]although internet sites we backlink to beneath are considerably not connected to ours, we really feel they’re truly worth a go by means of, so have a look[…]
social
[…]we came across a cool web site that you just may possibly take pleasure in. Take a look in the event you want[…]
sex movie
[…]please pay a visit to the websites we comply with, which includes this a single, because it represents our picks from the web[…]
legitimate work from home job 2018
[…]the time to study or stop by the subject material or internet sites we’ve linked to below the[…]
Patio Blocks Contractor in New Jersey
[…]please pay a visit to the web pages we comply with, including this a single, because it represents our picks through the web[…]
Sell Bitcoin for Paypal
[…]although internet sites we backlink to beneath are considerably not associated to ours, we feel they’re actually really worth a go through, so have a look[…]
anal sex toy
[…]one of our guests recently suggested the following website[…]