Groupon to Bloggers: STFU

OK, score one point to Team Andy Mason.  I loved when Netflix CEO Reed Hastings warned hedgie Whitney Tilson to cover his $NFLX short and I love this response from the Groupon Blog to all the nastiness about their soon-to-be IPO:

The “Quiet Period” is the time right before a company “goes public,” during which it is legally prohibited from saying anything to the press that may make the company look “good,” “successful,” or “not currently on fire.” During this sensitive time, it is the duty of the press to force the adolescent company through a series of brutal hazing rituals, designed to desensitize it to public criticism. This tough love helps the naively optimistic company to thicken its skin, atrophy its soul, and finally grow up into a real corporation. Here are some traditional hazing rituals you can use to torture companies in a quiet period:

  • Wait until the company is sleeping to smear scream-activated bees on its face. Lesson Learned: Don’t believe your company’s own “buzz.”
  • Photoshop the company’s logo to appear to be shaking hands with James Buchanan, America’s worst president. Lesson Learned: Everything you see or read about a company is true, if it’s on a computer.
  • Use the company’s cell phone to text a vote for the new M&M’s color to be a sickly ashen gray. Lesson Learned: Customers aren’t capable of making their own decisions.
  • Kick sand in the company’s face. Lesson Learned: If the company survives, it’s time to move on to sand’s close relative, powdered glass.
  • Write disparaging articles about the company. Lesson Learned: That’s what they get for trying to be a company.

Josh here.  That’s kind of awesome, still want nothing to do with the stock though 🙂


The Groupon Guide to the “Quiet Period” (GROUBLOGPON)



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