This is cute:
Welcome to the first product on the market that allows you to instantly join the ranks of that blood-thirsty, pin-striped, subspecies known as The Banking Executive (nocturnes huminus financitis). The popular supernatural drama, True Blood, follows the co-existence of vampires and humans in a fictional Louisiana town. But the real bloodsuckers reside in Manhattan, and can be found leeching off retirement plans, savings accounts, foreclosed homes and, with the help of their vampire cousins in Washington, D.C., draining the blood of the American taxpayer.
Wall Street Bloodsuckers™ can help you take what’s rightfully yours. You deserve a second mansion in a sunny part of the country and five luxury cars complete with mink-lined interiors. Why should the people who work on Wall Street have all the fun? That 10% unemployment rate doesn’t concern you. Heck, you have money to burn. Just look in your fireplace!
Feed off the unwashed masses
We are 34 months into the one of the most harrowing recessions since the United States was founded. Literary historian Susan Sellers describes the bloodsucker myth as “nightmare fantasy” and she could have easily been speaking about the current state of affairs. In 2008, Wall Street CEO’s were handed billions of dollars, most of which they handed out as employee bonuses. You weren’t one of them, but you wish you were. Now it’s time for you to turn around and grab your share of that bailout with Wall Street Bloodsuckers™.
Taking a bite out of the middle class
When you look out the window, do you see record numbers of foreclosed houses? No? Then you must be seeing into the future, like Sookie Stackhouse on True Blood. Wall Street Bloodsuckers™ will bring out your inner tycoon and your inner TV vampire at the same time! You will no longer have to join the people waiting in line at the food bank. You (and your $1,200 exotic crocodile skin shoes) can walk past them on the way to your chauffeured limo, baring the pointy fangs that you’ve earned as a Wall Street leech.
Josh here. I was actually invited to a Halloween Party this year and was thinking about going as Gordon Gecko (suspenders, hair gel, giant gray cellphone). Now I’m not so sure, I think vampires are still pretty in with the kids.
Anyway, here’s a link to buy the Wall Street Fangs or read more from Foothill Creations LTD, the company behind them: