Bronx Zoo Layoffs


This is like the punchline of a bad joke…

The economy in New York is so bad…

“How bad is it?”

It’s so bad, The Bronx Zoo is laying off 10% of their animals!

From the NY Post:
Layoffs in the city have spread to the animals at the Bronx Zoo.  The institution is closing four exhibits and shipping hundreds of creatures to zoos and aquariums around the country, officials told the city.


I was able to interview some of the animals around The Bronx Zoo this weekend.  Here are some of their thoughts on the impending right-sizing:

The Reformed Broker: So this news must have come as a shock, did any of you guys see it coming?

Lion: Dude, get that microphone out of my face or I’m gonna eat you…literally, I will put you in my mouth, chew and then swallow you.

Giraffe: Yo L, don’t be like that, he’s just trying to get our viewpoint out there.  Look, attendance has been down since last summer, we weren’t totally shocked, ok?

Ostrich: Its not exactly like we had our heads in the sand, we know what’s going on out there.

TRB: What’s morale been like since the news hit?

Giraffe: Well, put it this way: the bears growled about it and the snakes hissed.

Chimpanzee: Let’s keep it real, this is Survival of the Cutest, everyone knows who the people come here to see.  Am I happy that the antelopes got canned?  Of course not!  But we have to do what’s best for the zoo in times like these.

TRB: Any idea what severance will look like?

Elephant: I’m hearing First-Year Mammals are looking at 6 weeks salary…not exactly peanuts.

Chimpanzee: Never mind mammals, it was a real bloodbath over at the House of Reptiles division, from managing directors to support staff.  Just brutal.  The iguana was in f@%#in’ tears, man.

TRB: Are there any promising openings elsewhere?

Tiger: I think I’m just gonna work on my novel for a few months.  I had an offer with those Siegfried and Roy fruits, but Vegas is just sooo not me.

Zebra: Supposedly China’s zoos are staffing up.

Elephant: Yeah, but in China, when attendance is down, they may end up just eating the zoo animals.

Porcupine: Not to be a prick about it, but since none of you guys are on the chopping block, why don’t you all just STFU?

TRB: Easy guys, let’s not get overly emotional.

Lion: Alright broker, beat it.  I gotta rest up before the job fair later.

TRB: Thanks for your time and good luck guys.

Full Story:  Bronx Zoo Firing Animals (NYP)

Read Also:  Sesame Street Layoffs

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