Who Really Gets Punished by a Wall Street Salary Cap?

The Merrill Lynch Helicopter to the Rescue

The Merrill Lynch Helicopter to the Rescue

Yesterday, the Obama administration announced that firms who are significant moochers of the TARP will have salary caps imposed on their executives of $500,000 per year.  While the effects will be deeply felt on Wall Street, let us not forget that many other individuals and businesses will also be devastated.  Below is a list of other people or entities who will be severely affected by the Wall Street Salary Cap:

  • Any NYC/ Hamptons restaurateur who happens to be named Nello or Alain
  • The Merrill Lynch Helicopter pilot (yeah, there’s actually a Merrill Lynch Helicopter, and life is better knowing that one exists, ya know, for all the emergencies that require a bond broker to be flown in)
  • Two words: Doggie Spas
  • Superbroker-to-the-Super-Stars Dolly Lenz (No Dolly, high-end apartment sales will NOT be immune and there is no such thing as Santa Claus)
  • Event planners (usually hot girls, married) and assistant event planners (even hotter girls, but engaged) and event planner trainees (the hottest girls, single and 15 minutes out of school)
  • Most of the message board trolls on Dealbreaker (commence hate-spew, thou unholy minions employed by Swiss Banks – I love you anyway)
  • Anyone pushing private jet timeshares (time to go get a law degree, while daddy can still afford to pay)
  • That busboy from Peter Luger’s who was about to open his own steakhouse, following in the footsteps of the rest of the waiters, chefs, and valet parkers from there who’ve done the same (sorry fans of Wolfgang’s, it just ain’t Luger’s)
  • John Thain‘s custom commode guy (I hear he’s good)
  • Fast Eddie’s Maybachs 4 Less dealership in Parsippany, New Jersey

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