Pandit's Bandits: a Memo to Citigroup's Sponsored Little League Team

mm-case

Internal Memorandum

To: Global Little League Group, Tee Ball Training Staff, Equipment Management Department, Pandit’s Bandits Players and Personnel

Subject: Spring Training – Budget Cutbacks to be Enforced Immediately, Fundraising Expected of all Players

————————————————————————————————–

Date: January 30, 2009

Dear Pandit’s Bandits Players and Personnel,

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce my absence for the majority of the upcoming Spring Training season to you, my favorite mini-employees of Citigroup.  Our sponsorship of the Pandit’s Bandits little league team has brought all of us here at Citi much joy in these dark times of accountability and prudence.

This season, there will be several “downside modifications” to the team’s budget in order to better align our expenditures with the current environment.  Please note that the following changes are effective immediately:

Item 1: Transportation to away games will henceforth be conducted via bus.  Please have your moms or dads stop by the tarmac at Teterboro to collect any belongings that you may have left on the team jet

Item 2: This year’s uniforms will be not be hand-tailored or bespoke, so please email the equipment manager with one of the following generic sizes: S, M, L, XL

Item 3: Be advised that Michael “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble” Buffer will no longer be available to announce players before games as we were unable to meet his quote

Item 4: Hitting instruction will now take place at the Astoria Indoor Batting Range in Long Island City as opposed to our weekly appropriation of Yankee Stadium

Item 5: Please inform all parents and grandparents that the home game menu has changed.  New menu items include hot dogs, peanuts and Crackerjacks.  Complementary foie gras burgers, white truffle-topped pizzas, and beluga crepes with creme fraiche and mother-of-pearl spoons will no longer be served in the stands

In addition to these adjustments to our budget, we ask that all players stop by Citi Headquarters to pick up their case of Peanut M&M’s.  Any player who is not able to sell out all M&M stock by game day, will not be permitted to take the field.  We have observed numerous Little Leaguers throughout the city selling Peanut M&M’s to raise money for their teams and we expect the same of our boys.  We’re counting on you all.

We appreciate your cooperation in these difficult times and hope that you will bring home yet another winning record for all of us at Citi Corporate, as victories around here have been very rare of late.  I hope to be able to join the team at the earliest possible date and I long for the opportunity to deliver to all players my usual round of hair tousling and (non-threatening) rump slapping as you take the field to make us proud.

Go Get ‘Em, Team!

Regards,

Vikram Pandit
Chief Executive Officer
Citigroup Inc.
399 Park Avenue
New York, New York 10022
(212) 555 5555
sexyvik_69@citigroup.com

Tags: , , , , , ,

This content, which contains security-related opinions and/or information, is provided for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon in any manner as professional advice, or an endorsement of any practices, products or services. There can be no guarantees or assurances that the views expressed here will be applicable for any particular facts or circumstances, and should not be relied upon in any manner. You should consult your own advisers as to legal, business, tax, and other related matters concerning any investment.

The commentary in this “post” (including any related blog, podcasts, videos, and social media) reflects the personal opinions, viewpoints, and analyses of the Ritholtz Wealth Management employees providing such comments, and should not be regarded the views of Ritholtz Wealth Management LLC. or its respective affiliates or as a description of advisory services provided by Ritholtz Wealth Management or performance returns of any Ritholtz Wealth Management Investments client.

References to any securities or digital assets, or performance data, are for illustrative purposes only and do not constitute an investment recommendation or offer to provide investment advisory services. Charts and graphs provided within are for informational purposes solely and should not be relied upon when making any investment decision. Past performance is not indicative of future results. The content speaks only as of the date indicated. Any projections, estimates, forecasts, targets, prospects, and/or opinions expressed in these materials are subject to change without notice and may differ or be contrary to opinions expressed by others.

Wealthcast Media, an affiliate of Ritholtz Wealth Management, receives payment from various entities for advertisements in affiliated podcasts, blogs and emails. Inclusion of such advertisements does not constitute or imply endorsement, sponsorship or recommendation thereof, or any affiliation therewith, by the Content Creator or by Ritholtz Wealth Management or any of its employees. Investments in securities involve the risk of loss. For additional advertisement disclaimers see here: https://www.ritholtzwealth.com/advertising-disclaimers

Please see disclosures here.

What's been said:

Discussions found on the web
  1. shrimp commented on Dec 31

    … [Trackback]

    […] Find More on that Topic: thereformedbroker.com/2009/02/03/pandits-bandits-a-memo-to-citigroups-sponsored-little-league-team/ […]