Forget Chuck Norris: Here are the Harry Markopolos Facts

Image from The Boston Globe

The spotlight on Harry Markopolos, the whistleblower who was ignored regarding the Madoff fraud, is about to shine as brightly as a supernova.  As the gushing press and blogosphere begin their lionization of the brilliant and intrepid math whiz who saw through the deception, I thought it might be a good time to assemble a list of the following little-known “facts” from around the Internet about the man who could have been a hero.

Fact 1: Although Markopolos spent much of his career in Boston, he thankfully has managed to retain his (slightly) less annoying Pennsylvania accent, rather than succumb to the “Hahvahd Yahd” thing.

Fact 2: Markopolos once slept in a dumpster in the East 60’s while staking out Bernie Madoff on the weekend after a triple witching options expiration, just to have first dibs on the shredded trade confirmations.

Fact 3: In 2003, Markopolos single-handedly called BS on the “Weapons of Mass Destruction” assumptions of the Pentagon after spending 30 seconds or so looking at the intelligence.

Fact 4: Markopolos can do 20 one-handed push-ups with each hand without breaking a sweat, but if asked to do so in public, will modestly demur with  a modest chuckle…did we mention he’s a Nobel Laureate in Modesty?

Fact 5: In the early part of this decade, Markopolos briefly dated Sarah Michelle Gellar, Penelope Cruz, Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston, but he broke all of their hearts when he decided to focus on his career and investigation.

Fact 6: When he finally caught Bernie Madoff at the end of a sewer tunnel, Madoff yelled above the hum of rushing water “I’m innocent!”, to which Markopolos yelled back, “I don’t care!”

Fact 7: Markopolos never wore a Livestrong bracelet.  Never, ever, ever…he was way too cool for that.

Fact 8: The day of the bust, Markopolos yanked Bernie’s smirking mask off and exposed the face of none other than…Mister Willikers!  The old caretaker of the haunted petting zoo!

Enjoy your moment of fame, Harry Markopolos, you deserve it.  You almost saved a ton of money for the American investing public…almost.