Tim Cooks!

And this was supposed to be the “tough quarter” – the “transition quarter”.  LOL.

Apple ($AAPL), under new CEO Tim Cook, smashes whatever nonsense guidance they laid out and probably whatever they were expecting internally.

Financials (via BI):

• Revenue: $46.33 Billion versus $38.76 billion expected

• EPS: $13.87 versus $10.07 expected

Highlights (via The Atlantic):

iPhone: 37.04 million (128 percent increase)

iPad: 15.4 million sold (111 percent increase)

Macs: 5.2 million sold (26 percent increase)

iPods: 15.4 million sold (21 percent decline)

Revenue $46 billion and net income of $13.1 billion (profits of $144 million per day this quarter)

That said, the stock ain’t doing much in the after-hours as the company made no announcement regarding it’s cash balance (which at 97+ billion dollars is more than the MARKET CAPS of 474 S&P 500 companies, my friends at Bespoke tweeted).  Also, guidance was pretty lackluster – but we all know that’s the game.  You can’t beat by this magnitude if you over-promise.

Apple is insanity.

Full Disclosure: Long but not nearly enough probably.