Brace Yourself: Here Come the Moronic Shopping Anecdotes

“So-and-so bought this and woke up at such time to get that…”

I’m not normally this cynical on a Saturday morning, but…

Several Black Friday shoppers eager to get great holiday deals were trampled Friday morning as they surged through store doors in North Buffalo, New York.

– CNN

Dude, the only thing people in Buffalo should be trampling each other for in late November is a bus ticket out of town before they freeze to death.

Already my Google Reader is jam-packed with idiot reporting on idiot consumers and all the moronic anecdotes they can print with a straight face.  Because heaven forbid you go through the weekend without shopper human interest color.  About the shoppers who are trampling their own scooter-bound mothers to buy $20 DVD players and As-Seen-On-TV detritus like the borderline-pornographic Shake Weight – you know, the dumbbell that probably leads to either arthritis or a lost tooth, depending on which direction you’re pointing it during your humiliation/workout.

Here’s the type of thing you will be exposed to this week over and over again this week…

Mike Chery, 26, had trouble loading his three brand-new 50-inch Viera TVs from the Best Buy in East Harlem into his pal’s SUV, so he had to put one in a cab to get home.

– New York Post

You can expect a lot more of that as media outlets send their cub reporters out to the stores – the journalistic equivalent of throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall and seeing what you can use to cobble together another article.

Ethan Smith, 23, started his day before dawn at a Target in Brooklyn, where he dropped $170 on DVD box sets of television series like “House,” “Big Bang Theory” and “Eastbound and Down” as well as a flatbread toaster oven.

– New York Post

Season 2 of The Big Bang Theory and a flatbread toaster (whatever that is)!  God bless us everyone!

Source:

Every Newspaper in America