out of office reply

Today, October 10th 2012, I will be out of the internet.

Your favorite blogger will not be posting as today is The Big Picture Conference 2012!

As we speak, I’m working the show, introducing speakers, moderating panels and consuming all manner of finger foods in between sessions. But I would like to relay the following pieces of advice, hard-earned over a career spent mostly fighting for what I felt was right over the interests of pigs, bullies, commission slaves, authority junkies,  charlatans and other pieces of human garbage I’ve stepped over along the way:

1. Never buy a closed-end fund IPO, they are guaranteed to trade down more than 8% when the penalty bid phase expires (typically 90 days after public offering date). Punch anyone in the face who tries to sell you one, he is pocketing a 4% inside selling concession and knows goddamn well that the fund will drop by at least 8% when the penalty bid phase expires. The entire complex is a giant, predictable joke and you are the punchline.

2. Don’t pay $10,000 for a financial plan. It’s all printed off a generic piece of software designed to spit out a booklet full of pie charts and then the guy who sold it to you just puts you into the same eight mutual funds anyway. The whole thing is funny/sad, like the series finale of Fresh Prince of Bel Air (sad because it was so obvious that Will Smith had outgrown his sitcom family, even the butler, even the mom and also that fake mom they substituted in one season and tried to act like it was the same actress all along).

3.. Hedge funds, lol. There are like 20 or 30 amazing managers and you can’t get into their funds anyway. The rest might become amazing but you’ll never be able to predict the next David Einhorn amongst the thousands who will not be. Do you believe in magic? You probably used to and then you saw your dad drunk and your mom crying and the whole mystique of infallibility wore off. Apply that same logic to hedge funds – there is no magic. But if you find a really good one, tell me about it quietly, because I too want to believe…

4. The consumer staples sector of the S&P is up 47% since the peak of the S&P 500 in 2007 while the broader market is still down 7% five years later. Did you learn anything? Here’s what you should have learned: Even in the very worst of times, people still have to get out of bed, make their kids breakfast and put them on the bus to school. They will die before they stop doing that, no matter what kind of recession/depression/crash you think is afoot. Before I let my kids go hungry, I will work three jobs and then kill a hobo to sell his organs. And you will too. Invest accordingly, end of lesson.

5. Anyone who refers to himself as a “financier” is full of shit. Anyone who wears loafers with no socks to a business meeting is going to steal from you.

6. When in doubt, turn off the TV and read a book.

7. Obama sucks and Romney sucks. And you suck for believing that either of these guys are bigger than the cycle. Time runs its course, the wheel turns and what was bad becomes good, what was good becomes bad. People with good hair and law degrees have no answers, only promises they are lucky to be able to keep. Respect the cycles, understand demography, anticipate progress in fits and starts. Tolerate politicians but don’t think they can really affect anything in the grand scheme of things.

8. Make quick decisions about relationships, in real life and online. People don’t change, what mildly bothers you about them today will enrage you in the future. Block them fast and without prejudice on the first offense, you will never regret it.

9. Surround yourself with A-listers only. Steve Jobs was a huge prick, but if you read either Lashinky’s book or Isaacson’s book, the single most obvious takeaway was that he only got involved with winners. The largest company in history was built on this unstated philosophy – you could do worse than making it a personal philosophy.

10. Did you finish that book from number 6? Great, read another one. Here’s what Charlie Munger, Warren Buffett’s number 2 and one of the wealthiest men on planet earth had to say on the subject: “In my whole life, I have known no wise people who didn’t read all the time — none, zero.” Never stop reading.

That’s all I got. Today will be one of the most momentous days of my life so far. I hope to make the most of it and I will be appreciating every minute I’ve been given. It took me a long time to get to that place intellectually and spiritually, I hope you have gotten there as well.



PS: If your need is urgent, I’ll be obsessively swiping through emails on my phone as always.

Full Disclosure: Nothing on this site should ever be considered to be advice, research or an invitation to buy or sell any securities, please see my Terms & Conditions page for a full disclaimer.

What's been said:

Discussions found on the web
  1. تبلیغ گوگل commented on Jan 28

    تبلیغات در گوگل

    Hey there, I believe your website might be getting browser compatibility problems. When I seem at your internet site in Safari, it seems to be good but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wished to give you a quick heads…

  2. خرید اکانت vpn commented on Jan 28

    خرید vpn

    I know this if off subject matter but I’m searching into starting my very own weblog and was curious what all is necessary to get established up? I’m assuming obtaining a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not quite net savvy so I’m not a h…

  3. تبلیغ گوگل commented on Jan 30

    تبلیغات در گوگل

    Wonderful blog! Is your topic personalized created or did you down load it from somewhere? A style like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my website stand out. You should let me know exactly where you obtained your style. Bless you

  4. معروف ترین مارک کولر صنعتی commented on Jan 30

    خرید کولر صنعتی

    What’s up it is me, I am also browsing this web site on a regular basis, this web site is really pleasurable and the viewers are truly sharing excellent feelings.

  5. clit cream commented on Jan 30

    clit cream

    […]we came across a cool website which you may well delight in. Take a appear in the event you want[…]

  6. خرید اکانت cisco anyconnect commented on Jan 30

    وی پی ان سیسکو

    Hi there! Do you know if they make any plugins to aid with Search engine optimization? I’m striving to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords and phrases but I’m not observing extremely great gains. If you know of any remember to share. Several…

  7. تبلیغ گوگل commented on Jan 30

    تبلیغات در گوگل

    Right here are numerous of the net internet sites we advise for our site visitors

  8. خرید vpn برای آیفون commented on Jan 31

    وی پی ن آیفون

    I was curious if you ever thought of shifting the format of your site? Its quite nicely created I really like what youve obtained to say. But perhaps you could a minor much more in the way of content so folks could hook up with it much better. Youve re…

  9. رفع آیفون خطای 1009 commented on Jan 31


    Examine underneath, are some entirely unrelated world wide web-web sites to ours, nonetheless, they are most dependable sources that we use.

  10. تبلیغ گوگل commented on Jan 31

    تبلیغات در گوگل

    below are some hyperlinks to world wide web web pages that we website link to given that we truly feel they’re truly really worth going to

  11. fashion sale india commented on Jan 31

    fashion sale india

    […]just beneath, are many totally not related web sites to ours, even so, they may be surely really worth going over[…]

  12. Restauranger commented on Jan 31


    […]Sites of interest we have a link to[…]

  13. termeh commented on Feb 01


    […]Here are a few of the web-sites we recommend for our visitors[…]

  14. خرید vpn آیفون commented on Feb 01

    وی پی ن آیفون

    I completely enjoy your blog and discover a whole lot of your post’s to be just I’m seeking for. Does 1 supply guest writers to publish content material offered for you? I would not mind producing a publish or elaborating on a couple of of the subjects…

  15. تبلیغ گوگل commented on Feb 01

    خرید vpn

    My developer is attempting to persuade me to go to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the concept simply because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the considerably less. I have been using Movable-type on a variety of websites for about a yr and…