“Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out”
Yesterday I dissected the three main reasons why people lost money in Groupon ($GRPN) here on the site. I do this because I think it is more helpful to investors than 99% of the “content” being published and because in the writing, I am able to clarify my own thoughts and discover what it is that I actually believe right alongside the reader.
I got a bit of criticism for coming off as a bit of a Monday morning quarterback re: GRPN so I thought I’d dust off this lost classic from last October, published on the eve of Groupon’s IPO. Yes, I have begun pompously referring to my own posts as “lost classics,” what do you want from me? – JB
***
Groupoem (or an IPO for the ages)
Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out
It’s hitting this week if the stars align right
But only the foolish would look for a bite
For Groupon is now past the peak of its glory
Its promising start a well-known story
Of youthful intensity, vision and zeal
Of crafting the perfect consumer-led deal
City by city, Groupon grew like a weed
Positioned as marketing for the small biz in need
Coupons for shoes and coupons for socks
Offers for Lasik and half-off on Crocs
Then Google came calling, six bil on the table
But Groupon bought into their very own fable
The emails would issue from CEO Mason
“Hang on tight,” Andrew said, “our competitors are chasin'”
So onward and upward the company went
Taking in money that it promptly spent
The trick was to pay merchants sixty days late
Which gave Groupon money and time to inflate
The accountants concluded the scheme was impaired
Sure they were grumpy – but they also were scared
“A ponzi,” they called it, “it can’t be sustained!”
“If they run out of room to expand they’ll be drained!”
And one other headwind we also should mention
The social offers crown is still in contention
Both Amazon and Google desire to play
Good luck keeping those two rottweilers at bay
The first IPO filing was put back on the shelf
A value of thirty billion soon became twelve
And as Groupon embarked on its period of quiet
A leaked memo from Mason created a riot
The regulators didn’t find any of this funny
The rules get much stricter when you’re trying to raise money
Poor Andrew was learning a lesson for sure
Being boyish and charming wouldn’t help him no more
So with shady accounting and rivals galore
Groupon now brings its stock to the floor
Sixteen to eighteen per share is the word
With a float so constrained it’s completely absurd
Less than five percent of Groupon shares will go pub
An insulting debut, why that’s barely a stub!
They’ll create quite a show with this scarcity bait
The intentions are clear, to manipulate
By producing a noteworthy opening pop
The underwriters get to market their shop
So Facebook and others will watch and learn
Which bankers to hire when it’s finally their turn
In the meantime the VCs in Groupon are thrilled
Their exit is coming, the champagne is chilled
A too-close encounter with death is postponed
While retail investors line up to get boned
The next Demand Media or LinkedIn perhaps
And look how it fell right into their laps!
They’ll buy that first day as up-stocks attract cash
While the insiders prepare to make their last dash
Mason will get his chance to be boss
At a big public company, come profit or loss
And all will be well on The Street named Wall
As the bankers await Mr. Zuckerberg’s call
– Downtown Josh Brown, October 30th 2011
Read Also:
The Netflix and the Blockbuster by Lewis Carroll (TRB)
Solo Masturbation
[…]although web-sites we backlink to beneath are considerably not connected to ours, we feel they are truly worth a go as a result of, so possess a look[…]
strap anal
[…]although web sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we feel they may be really worth a go through, so possess a look[…]
games for laptop download
[…]we came across a cool web site that you just could possibly get pleasure from. Take a look in case you want[…]
diy vanity mirror
[…]Here are some of the websites we recommend for our visitors[…]
ecu tuning files download
[…]we came across a cool internet site which you may possibly take pleasure in. Take a look if you want[…]
silk screen print
[…]always a large fan of linking to bloggers that I appreciate but dont get a lot of link like from[…]
best vibrator
[…]here are some links to web pages that we link to due to the fact we think they are worth visiting[…]
vagina stroker
[…]that may be the finish of this write-up. Right here youll obtain some web pages that we consider you will value, just click the links over[…]
Homepage
[…]that would be the end of this write-up. Right here youll come across some web-sites that we believe youll value, just click the hyperlinks over[…]
blowjob
[…]always a big fan of linking to bloggers that I really like but do not get lots of link love from[…]
this article
[…]below youll obtain the link to some websites that we think you need to visit[…]
click here for more info
[…]we came across a cool web-site which you might get pleasure from. Take a search when you want[…]
more tips here
[…]Here is a superb Blog You may Uncover Exciting that we Encourage You[…]
خرید دوربین مدار بسته
[…]usually posts some incredibly fascinating stuff like this. If youre new to this site[…]
Discover More
[…]one of our visitors just lately advised the following website[…]