The Rundown

I’ve been away from the terminal for four hours this afternoon taking care of business.  Catching up to the following stories/issues:

1.  Sears Holdings ($SHLD) is taking an aisle of the store and spinning it off into its own company?  That’s great.  And the stock exploded because it’s going to raise $400 million for the struggling B-tailer.  Also great.  When there are enough shorts in a stock, you can pretty much announce anything and get a 13% rally.  Maybe Kroger should spin-off the produce section of their stores under the ticker symbol VEG, that oughta be worth what – a billion?  GTFO.

2.  $RIMM unveiled some new features it has coming out in the BlackBerry 10 later this year.  Honestly, unless one of those new features is a tab that lets you locate the nearest Apple store, no one will notice/care. GTFO.

3.  Fresh from opening up for Jimmy Kimmel this weekend at the WHCD, Obama just magically (and secretly) popped up in Kabul to meet with opium export kingpin Hamid Karzai to sign an agreement that ends the decade-old war.  Good, bring ’em home and GTFO.

4. Jessica Simpson just had her baby.  Cue the “leaked” breastfeeding pics hitting the web in T minus 3, 2…GTFO!

5.  Let me get this straight, so A’mare S’toudamire just ended the K’nicks p’ost-s’eason (it was kinda over anyway, but still) because he felt compelled to punch a fire extinguisher?  I’m done with this team forever. Until next October.  G’TFO!

What else I miss?