Billionaires on Where to Park a Million Bucks

Lawyer Joe Jamail, with the bulk of his fortune in bonds and cash, expresses in colorful language a common tenet: Hedge funds are dangerous.

“I’d buy cocaine rather than buy that s—,” he says.

Somehow this piece from Bloomberg Markets escaped my attention at the turn of the New Year but it’s pretty gangsta…

The magazine asked billionaire stock-pickers, economists and so forth (and even Donald Trump) for investing advice headed into 2012.  There were tons of great nuggets of wisdom but none more hilarious than this one, from billionaire attorney Joe Jamail (who may in fact be my new intellectual hero):


Joe Jamail

Primary Asset: More than $1 billion in cash, stocks and bonds Residence: Houston Industry: Law

The so-called King of Torts made his mark in 1985 representing Pennzoil Co. in its lawsuit against Texaco Inc., earning the trial lawyer a then-record $335 million contingency fee. Jamail, 86, has since litigated personal injury and corporate malfeasance cases, securing more than $13 billion in verdicts and settlements. Renowned for his blue language, Jamail, who earned a law degree from the University of Texas in 1953, was once admonished by the Delaware Supreme Court as being “rude, uncivil and vulgar.”

What do you look for when buying stocks?

I usually don’t invest much in the market directly. I always look for price returns rather than income, because I make enough f—— money out of this sue shop–my law office. Most of my stuff is in bonds.

Best investing advice?

My dad told me, “Don’t buy any g—— stocks, OK?” He had a chain of grocery stores. He liked that cash coming in.

Fixed-income investments?

Tax-free municipal bonds, guaranteed by a public school fund.

Is gold an opportunity, a bubble or an enigma?

I own some gold. I have a bunch of gold bars, and we give them as Christmas presents to the grandchildren — an ounce for each. They don’t get to keep it. The parents put it away for them.

Is there a money manager you would trust with your entire portfolio?

No. But if I had to trust somebody, it would be Fayez Sarofim.

Best and worst investments?

Best: A law degree, no question about it. Worst: Airline stocks.

Where to park $1 million in cash?

In my mattress.


Head over to hear what the rest of the big guys are thinking investment-wise this year.


Billionaire Prokhorov Touts Gold as Trump Embraces Foreclosures (Bloomberg Markets)



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