Ten Little-Known Facts About Glencore

Glencore has decoy headquarters in strip malls all over the US

Oh, we’re all so terribly hysterical about the forthcoming Glencore IPO.  The fluster and fuss is only natural – after all, it’s not every day that a super-secretive $87 billion Swiss trading giant with “android employees” comes public!  (Reuters said the part about the employees being Androids, not me.)

Allow me to apologize for having started the hysteria back on April 4th:

Will Glencore be the Blackstone IPO of the Commodity Rally? (TRB)

Now that the mainstream media is obsessed and my friends like Upside and Stone Street are chiming in, I thought I’d hit you guys with a few interesting Glencore factoids that haven’t yet been mentioned…

1.  Founder and US exile Marc Rich apparently made a deal with Al Pacino to get to where he is, their meetings were fleshed out into the 1997 film The Devil’s Advocate.

2.  Glencore deals in diamonds, gold, oil, coal, grains, human organs, human orphans, graphite, cheddar cheese, giraffe spleens and platinum.  And swagger, serious swagger.

3.  The company’s Swiss headquarters are located high atop the craggy summit of the Matterhorn.  The entrance is guarded by two 40-foot tall abominable snowmen armed with Uzis.

A Glencore Guard

4.  Upon the public offering, Glencore’s CEO will be ringing the opening bell of trading in Hong Kong.  He will be stroking a white cat while doing so and we will only see him from the neck down.

5.  All investors in the Glencore IPO will have their names and personal files collected by Interpol.  Shareholders become accessories to the company’s numerous war and human rights crimes upon receipt of the first dividend.

6.  Shorting shares of Glencore will get you followed home by a nondescript blue van.

7.  Analysts will be covering the company with varying degrees of Buy ratings…if they know what’s good for them.

Marc Rich: Probably in Bed with the Devil

8.  At some point during Glencore’s span as a public stock, there will be some to-do about “microfilm” of some sort.  Matt Damon may crash through a window, I’m not sure why or when just yet.

9.  Goldman is getting envious: “What widow-and-orphan pension fund must we loot now to get some attention around here?”

10.  Lastly, and always keep this in mind:  C.R.E.A.M.  (Commodities Rule Everything Around Me).  Don’t even think about stepping to Glencore in the post-fiat currency New World Order.  They who control the hard assets (and Glencore does) controls everythang.  Better recognize, son.

In conclusion, I love you Glencore. – JB