Brace Yourself: Here Come the Moronic Shopping Anecdotes

“So-and-so bought this and woke up at such time to get that…”

I’m not normally this cynical on a Saturday morning, but…

Several Black Friday shoppers eager to get great holiday deals were trampled Friday morning as they surged through store doors in North Buffalo, New York.


Dude, the only thing people in Buffalo should be trampling each other for in late November is a bus ticket out of town before they freeze to death.

Already my Google Reader is jam-packed with idiot reporting on idiot consumers and all the moronic anecdotes they can print with a straight face.  Because heaven forbid you go through the weekend without shopper human interest color.  About the shoppers who are trampling their own scooter-bound mothers to buy $20 DVD players and As-Seen-On-TV detritus like the borderline-pornographic Shake Weight – you know, the dumbbell that probably leads to either arthritis or a lost tooth, depending on which direction you’re pointing it during your humiliation/workout.

Here’s the type of thing you will be exposed to this week over and over again this week…

Mike Chery, 26, had trouble loading his three brand-new 50-inch Viera TVs from the Best Buy in East Harlem into his pal’s SUV, so he had to put one in a cab to get home.

New York Post

You can expect a lot more of that as media outlets send their cub reporters out to the stores – the journalistic equivalent of throwing a bunch of stuff at the wall and seeing what you can use to cobble together another article.

Ethan Smith, 23, started his day before dawn at a Target in Brooklyn, where he dropped $170 on DVD box sets of television series like “House,” “Big Bang Theory” and “Eastbound and Down” as well as a flatbread toaster oven.

New York Post

Season 2 of The Big Bang Theory and a flatbread toaster (whatever that is)!  God bless us everyone!


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