German Sex Bailout

German whores need stimulus, too.

I know, I know…too provocative an opening sentence.  I learned that from Rupert, you’re lucky that wasn’t the title.

From Reuters:
In Germany…one of the few countries where prostitution is legal, and unusually transparent, the industry has responded with an economic stimulus package of its own: modern marketing tools, rebates and gimmicks to boost falling demand.

The restraint required for me to bring you this story without too much of my usual commentary was Herculean to say the least, so I’ll let the article ride:

Some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees.

Now, what exactly is included in the flat-rate fee?

“We’re definitely feeling the crisis. Clients are being tight with their money. They’re afraid. You can’t charge for the extras any more and there is pressure to cut prices. Everyone wants a deal. Special promotions are essential these days,” said Karin Ahrens, who manages the “Yes, Sir” brothel in Hanover.

Extras?  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Germans are off the hook.

Germany has about 400,000 professional prostitutes.  Annual revenues are about 14 billion euros ($18 billion), according to an estimate…Taxes on prostitution are an important source of income for some cities.

That’s big money.  Imagine if we taxed that here!

And finally, here’s the part I couldn’t have made up:

Berlin’s “Pussy Club” has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing “flat rate” — a 70-euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Bottom line here, folks?

I am proposing nothing short of a full-fledged congressional fact-finding mission to Germany to fully explore the methods these businesses are using to counter the effects of the global slowdown.  To carry out this government-funded, all expenses paid mission, I propose myself, my boy Barry and my cousin Jon.

I believe we can take what we learn there and bring that knowledge home to help struggling companies stateside.  We will need about ten days or so to fully explore everything that Germany has to offer and dutifully bring our findings back to Washington for a (partial) debriefing.  I undertake this task selflessly, as a true American patriot.

Full Story:  Global economic crisis hits German sex industry (Reuters)

Full Disclosure:  Nothing to Disclose…yet.