Groupoem (or an IPO for the ages)

Gather round, dear investors, and hear all about
The worst IPO that has ever come out
It’s hitting this week if the stars align right
But only the foolish would look for a bite

For Groupon is now past the peak of its glory
Its promising start a well-known story
Of youthful intensity, vision and zeal
Of crafting the perfect consumer-led deal

City by city, Groupon grew like a weed
Positioned as marketing for the small biz in need
Coupons for shoes and coupons for socks
Offers for Lasik and half-off on Crocs

Then Google came calling, six bil on the table
But Groupon bought into their very own fable
The emails would issue from CEO Mason
“Hang on tight,” Andrew said, “our competitors are chasin'”

So onward and upward the company went
Taking in money that it promptly spent
The trick was to pay merchants sixty days late
Which gave Groupon money and time to inflate

The accountants concluded the scheme was impaired
Sure they were grumpy – but they also were scared
“A ponzi,” they called it, “it can’t be sustained!”
“If they run out of room to expand they’ll be drained!”

And one other headwind we also should mention
The social offers crown is still in contention
Both Amazon and Google desire to play
Good luck keeping those two rottweilers at bay

The first IPO filing was put back on the shelf
A value of thirty billion soon became twelve
And as Groupon embarked on its period of quiet
A leaked memo from Mason created a riot

The regulators didn’t find any of this funny
The rules get much stricter when you’re trying to raise money
Poor Andrew was learning a lesson for sure
Being boyish and charming wouldn’t help him no more

So with shady accounting and rivals galore
Groupon now brings its stock to the floor
Sixteen to eighteen per share is the word
With a float so constrained it’s completely absurd

Less than five percent of Groupon shares will go pub
An insulting debut, why that’s barely a stub!
They’ll create quite a show with this scarcity bait
The intentions are clear, to manipulate

By producing a noteworthy opening pop
The underwriters get to market their shop
So Facebook and others will watch and learn
Which bankers to hire when it’s finally their turn

In the meantime the VCs in Groupon are thrilled
Their exit is coming, the champagne is chilled
A too-close encounter with death is postponed
While retail investors line up to get boned

The next Demand Media or LinkedIn perhaps
And look how it fell right into their laps!
They’ll buy that first day as up-stocks attract cash
While the insiders prepare to make their last dash

Mason will get his chance to be boss
At a big public company, come profit or loss
And all will be well on The Street named Wall
As the bankers await Mr. Zuckerberg’s call

– Downtown Josh Brown, October 30th 2011

Read Also:

The Netflix and the Blockbuster by Lewis Carroll (TRB)





Full Disclosure: Nothing on this site should ever be considered to be advice, research or an invitation to buy or sell any securities, please see my Terms & Conditions page for a full disclaimer.

What's been said:

Discussions found on the web
  1. وی پی ان ایفون commented on Feb 03

    رفع ارور 1009

    Do you have a spam problem on this blog I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your scenario a lot of of us have produced some great procedures and we are looking to trade methods with other people, why not shoot me an e-mail if intrigued.

  2. وی پی ان ایفون commented on Feb 04

    رفع ارور 1009

    Hello would you mind stating which weblog system you are functioning with? I’m arranging to start my own weblog shortly but I’m having a tough time determining in between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The purpose I request is due to the…

  3. گوگل adwords commented on Feb 04

    تبلیغات در صفحه اول گوگل

    I’m truly experiencing the design and style and layout of your weblog. It is a extremely simple on the eyes which helps make it considerably more pleasurable for me to arrive here and visit far more frequently. Did you hire out a developer to develop y…

  4. Create Website commented on Feb 04

    Create Website

    […]just beneath, are many completely not connected websites to ours, even so, they may be surely worth going over[…]

  5. vpn commented on Feb 04

    رفع ارور 1009

    Listed here are many of the net web sites we recommend for our site visitors

  6. کولر بزرگ آبی commented on Feb 05

    خرید کولر صنعتی

    Just beneath, are a lot of absolutely not related internet internet sites to ours, nonetheless, they could be surely genuinely really worth heading above.

  7. گوگل adwords commented on Feb 05

    تبلیغات در صفحه اول گوگل

    Thanks once again for the blog post.Actually thank you! Wonderful.

  8. خرید کولر صنعتی commented on Feb 06

    خرید کولر صنعتی

    Hey there! I lately noticed your site and I definitely enjoy it. I enjoy to communicate about omega xl at times. Very good to be about, many thanks a great deal!

  9. گوگل adwords commented on Feb 06

    تبلیغات در صفحه اول گوگل

    Howdy would you brain permitting me know which webhost you’re making use of? I’ve loaded your blog in three entirely different browsers and I should say this site loads a whole lot quicker then most. Can you advocate a very good internet hosting suppli…

  10. وی پی ان ایفون commented on Feb 08

    vpn ایفون

    listed here are some hyperlinks to world wide web web pages that we hyperlink to for the cause that we feel they may be actually well worth checking out

  11. reseller rights ebooks commented on Feb 08

    reseller rights ebooks

    […]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a handful of unrelated information, nonetheless definitely worth taking a appear, whoa did a single find out about Mid East has got a lot more problerms too […]

  12. novinmarketing commented on Feb 08

    تبلیغ در گوگل ادوردز

    we prefer to honor tons of other internet internet-internet sites on the internet, even when they arent linked to us, by linking to them. Below are some webpages actually really worth examining out

  13. وی پی ان ایفون commented on Feb 08

    vpn ایفون

    usually posts some amazingly intriguing stuff like this. If youre new to this web site

  14. persian tar commented on Feb 09

    persian tar

    […]please pay a visit to the web sites we stick to, which includes this one particular, because it represents our picks from the web[…]

Read this next.