One Day in Mainstream Media Market Headlines

6:00 AM MarketWatch US Futures Down As Euro Pressures Mount

6:30 AM TheStreet.com US Stock Futures Recover on Amazon Tablet Expectation

7:15 AM MarketWatch Stocks Fall in Pre-Market Amid Global Concerns

8:00 AM Minyanville Stocks Buoyant Ahead of August Durable Goods Orders

8:10 Wall Street Journal US Marts Down Briefly, Techs Remain Higher

9:15 AM TheStreet.com US Stocks Mixed Ahead of Open After Durable Goods Orders

9:45 AM MarketWatch Stocks Decline Slightly On Economic Concerns

10:15 AM MarketWatch US Stocks Fall on European Woes

11:00 AM Minyanville Stocks Up After Morning in Which They Were Slightly Down

11:30 AM TheStreet.com Stocks Exist  at Half Past 11 AM this Morning

12:00 PM  MarketWatch Stocks Slightly Higher at Mid-Day as I Pick Up My Dry Cleaning

12:15 PM Bloomberg Markets Stabilize as Japanese PM Explains Proclivity for Vending Machine Pornography

12:30 PM Minyanville US Markets Rally Modestly as Stocks Don’t Be Down

1:00 PM TheStreet.com Stocks Off Slightly After Cloud Passes Briefly in Front of the Sun

1:30 PM Reuters We are Better than You and You Probably Realise that by Now

1:50 PM Wall Street Journal US Stocks Extend Advance after Not Extending Decline

2:15 PM Minyanville Markets in Retreat as Euro Pressures Threaten Global Recovery

3:10 PM TheStreet.com US Stocks Unchanged, We Are Seriously Running Out of Reasons for Random Things You Guys

3:11 PM TheStreet.com US Stocks Still Unchanged, We Just Checked For You

3:34 PM Bloomberg Markets Neutral Into the Close

3:37 PM MarketWatch Neutral Markets Into the Close

3:50 PM Wall Street Journal Stocks Set to Close Flat on Session as European Woes Continue to Cause Concern

3:56 PM Reuters US Stock Market Flat on Close

4:01 PM MarketWatch No Change in US Stocks Today on Excessive Nonsensical Headlines, Tune in Tomorrow

….

And you wonder why regular people have simply tuned this entire thing out at this point?