The Real Wall Street Dress Code

Over at the Wall Street Journal’s FINS career site, Julie Steinberg has written a helpful piece for the incoming first-year investment bank kids who want to dress for success.

I’ll go a step further; here’s what this summer’s Wall Street freshmen should wear if they want to dress for reality

If you’re coming in as an investment banker, you will really only need a pair of pajamas.  You’re not ever leaving and will sleep in the office more nights than you could possibly imagine.  My friend Curtis once worked at one of those Nazi banks, forgot which one, they worked him one weekend until blood was pouring out of his nose.  There have been stories about rookie bankers catching naps in utility closets just to show how many hours they can work.  The truth is this is a part-hazing, part-barrier of entry thing.  None of the work a 23-year-old banker wannabe is doing at 1 am means anything, it’s just projects for the sake of projects.

If you’re beginning as a trader wear a fleece vest over a button-down shirt.  That way I know what you are when you’re standing on line in front of me at the Jiannetto’s pizza truck outside of JPMorgan on Park and 47th.  When there are too many of you trader types ahead of me I’ll look at my phone and say something like, “Oh no, not another Flash Crash!”  You’ll all run and I’ll get my two grandma slices that much quicker.  By the way, the fleece vest over a button-down shirt thing originated at SAC.  Stevie likes to keep the room freezing cold to keep traders alert so every trader you see in that uniform is imitating that, whether they know it or not.

If your path is sales trader or institutional brokerage, be sure to wear something that will adequately conceal a wire.  You’ll be spending much of your day talking to your buy-side and hedge fund clients and sharing information left and right.  There are some conversations that the bugs in your phone won’t pick up so for these, the Justice Department asks that you make sure to have some kind of recording device on you at all times.

Prospective sell-side analysts should pretty much come in with a brown bag over their heads, eyeholes cut out of course.  You will spend the next decade blowing people up with nonsensical calls like “overweight” or “strong neutral”.  Your price targets will be based on discounted cash flow analysis which doesn’t really mean anything in the actual supply and demand-based stock market.  Getting used to hiding and wearing a bag to cover your shame is probably a great idea, start early.

The private wealth management and financial advisory trainees should wear suits.  And with those suits I’d recommend a stop watch instead of a wrist watch, preferably one with a clock that counts down to zero.  Set it to begin counting down 90 days from now because that’s how long you’ll have to raise your first $20 million in assets.  You probably won’t hit this minimum but that $16 million you managed to scrape up will be handed over to the grateful 45-year-old VP when you’re let go this fall.  It’s the Circle of Life.

Hopefully this has been helpful.  Bon Chance, Class of 2011!

 

 

 

This content, which contains security-related opinions and/or information, is provided for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon in any manner as professional advice, or an endorsement of any practices, products or services. There can be no guarantees or assurances that the views expressed here will be applicable for any particular facts or circumstances, and should not be relied upon in any manner. You should consult your own advisers as to legal, business, tax, and other related matters concerning any investment.

The commentary in this “post” (including any related blog, podcasts, videos, and social media) reflects the personal opinions, viewpoints, and analyses of the Ritholtz Wealth Management employees providing such comments, and should not be regarded the views of Ritholtz Wealth Management LLC. or its respective affiliates or as a description of advisory services provided by Ritholtz Wealth Management or performance returns of any Ritholtz Wealth Management Investments client.

References to any securities or digital assets, or performance data, are for illustrative purposes only and do not constitute an investment recommendation or offer to provide investment advisory services. Charts and graphs provided within are for informational purposes solely and should not be relied upon when making any investment decision. Past performance is not indicative of future results. The content speaks only as of the date indicated. Any projections, estimates, forecasts, targets, prospects, and/or opinions expressed in these materials are subject to change without notice and may differ or be contrary to opinions expressed by others.

Wealthcast Media, an affiliate of Ritholtz Wealth Management, receives payment from various entities for advertisements in affiliated podcasts, blogs and emails. Inclusion of such advertisements does not constitute or imply endorsement, sponsorship or recommendation thereof, or any affiliation therewith, by the Content Creator or by Ritholtz Wealth Management or any of its employees. Investments in securities involve the risk of loss. For additional advertisement disclaimers see here: https://www.ritholtzwealth.com/advertising-disclaimers

Please see disclosures here.

What's been said:

Discussions found on the web
  1. هایک ویژن commented on Nov 19

    هایک ویژن

    Hey there, I believe your website may possibly be getting browser compatibility problems. When I appear at your web site in Safari, it appears wonderful but when opening in World wide web Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just desired to give you a…

  2. senegal sandaga commented on Nov 20

    senegal sandaga

    […]very handful of internet sites that take place to be comprehensive beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly nicely really worth checking out[…]

  3. online data entry jobs commented on Nov 20

    online data entry jobs

    […]The facts mentioned within the article are several of the best accessible […]

  4. SEO 2018 commented on Nov 21

    SEO 2018

    […]very couple of websites that happen to become comprehensive beneath, from our point of view are undoubtedly well worth checking out[…]

  5. vibrating anal beads commented on Nov 22

    vibrating anal beads

    […]Every once inside a when we select blogs that we study. Listed below are the most up-to-date sites that we decide on […]

  6. cyberskin dildo commented on Nov 23

    cyberskin dildo

    […]The data mentioned inside the report are some of the ideal readily available […]

  7. west coast wellness commented on Nov 23

    west coast wellness

    doctor daniel m barr of west coast wellbeing north port fl cures auto injuries from car accidents. He has a complete treatment facility for car accident pain. Doctor Barr has an unique whiplash treatment.

  8. software download for windows 7 commented on Nov 24

    software download for windows 7

    […]Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a handful of unrelated data, nonetheless definitely really worth taking a appear, whoa did 1 master about Mid East has got more problerms also […]

  9. games for pc download commented on Nov 24

    games for pc download

    […]although web sites we backlink to below are considerably not related to ours, we feel they are truly really worth a go by way of, so have a look[…]

  10. pc games for windows 8 commented on Nov 25

    pc games for windows 8

    […]the time to study or visit the content material or web-sites we’ve linked to beneath the[…]

  11. pc games free download for pc windows commented on Nov 25

    pc games free download for pc windows

    […]we came across a cool site that you just could possibly appreciate. Take a appear if you want[…]

  12. pc games for pc download commented on Nov 25

    pc games for pc download

    […]below you will locate the link to some web sites that we believe you need to visit[…]

  13. free download for windows 8 commented on Nov 26

    free download for windows 8

    […]just beneath, are various totally not connected web pages to ours, nonetheless, they may be surely really worth going over[…]