♫ Hello From The Other Siiiiiiiiiiiiiide♫

Holy shit, the Fed just hiked interest rates by one quarter of one percent. Is everyone okay? Everybody’s arms and legs accounted for?

The overnight borrowing rate against which the entire economy keys off of has now risen from “around zero” to “basically zero.”

Key piece of the statement:

“Given the economic outlook, and recognizing the time it takes for policy actions to affect future economic outcomes, the Committee decided to raise the target range for the federal funds rate to 1/4 to 1/2 percent. The stance of monetary policy remains accommodative after this increase, thereby supporting further improvement in labor market conditions and a return to 2 percent inflation.”

I won’t bother charting the markets’ reactions; suffice it to say the kneejerk algo response was straight down followed by straight up. The human response will play out throughout the course of the day.

So far, nothing crashed and no one had their genitals chopped off.

Now let’s calm down about Liftoff and commence freaking out about the March 2016 meeting.

Fed’s full statement, if you need it:

Federal Reserve