20 Unpredictions for 2010

You MF’s and your prediction lists have driven me to this…

Here are my 20 Unpredictions for 2010, a list of things that ain’t gonna happen next year…

01.  Fox Biz cuts the USA Today/ Human Interest stuff and gears more toward hardcore trading and investing ideas.

02.  Iran drops the pretend nuclear energy program and decides to run the country as if it actually values prosperity and human life.

03.  CNBC gets an afternoon makeover, the shrill neo-cons of Power Lunch are replaced with people who have actually run money for a living.  Michelle Caruso Cabrera can stay.

04.  Newspapers quit worrying about who is excerpting their content and become excerpters themselves of the phenomenal insights from Baseline, Aleph Blog, Big Picture, Jesse’s Cafe Americain, Epicurean and Gregor Macdonald.

05.  Simon Cowell and Co apologize to fans of real music everywhere for the assembly line pop garbage factory they’ve unleashed on us since 2001.

06.  Too Big To Fail becomes made-for-TV movie.  Sorkin storms off the set when director attempts to make Dick Fuld a tragically heroic figure.

07.  ETF new issues come with a contract clause which gives investors the option to “put” their shares back to the fund company in the event they stop working (see UNG).

08.  Mutual fund managers attempt to validate and resurrect their industry by becoming more outspoken about compensation, governance and performance in the companies whose shares they hold.

09.  Trader Joes makes my year and comes public.  In-N-Out Burger comes close to making my year by finally opening up a New York location.

10.  Peter Schiff sells his gold positions and buys California municipal bonds.

11.  I give up buffalo wings and cold, cold Sierra Nevada, dropping 15 pounds in the process.

12.  Garmin’s pointless GPS phone vanquishes its few, weak competitors (you know – Apple, Palm, Nokia, Motorola, Ericsson, HTC, Research In Motion, LG, Sony, Google, Samsung etc).

13.  GM sheds its government ownership and simultaneously shakes off the unions.

14.  Knicks get LeBron

15.  Twitter acquired in the private market just weeks before it comes public.

16.  Business Insider/ Clusterstock/ The Money Game etc chooses a single name for the site.  People who often link to them rejoice!

17.  CNBC’s Phil LeBeau throws a tirade over the prospect of another year covering airlines and autos.

Did I say I was doing 20?  Consarn it.  OK…

18.  Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms given regulatory oversight of the banks.

19.  B of A spins off Merrill Lynch, Barclays spins off Lehman, Wells Fargo spins of Wachovia, JPMorgan spins off Bear Stearns.  Do over!

20.  TRB gets a daytime talk show on the Oxygen Network called Stocks n’ Feelings.

I didn’t want to have to do that but you guys forced my hand.  NO MORE 20 PREDICTION LISTS, PLEASE!

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